Virtually my whole childhood and into my late teens, I lived with my mom and aunt. My aunt was severely paranoid and insane and refused to take medication for it or continue therapy. She stayed in the house 24 hours a day at least 6 out of 7 days a week. As a child, I was sick a lot and she watched me. She would sit me down (and my cousin who was my age when she was over at our house) for hours and tell me/us the world was out to get us. It hasn’t changed much over the years. She used to hit me and hurt me a lot. She’d hit me with things like pillows and boxes so if I told, it’d sound ridiculous. For many years she’d called me evil, devil, imp and even spawn of Satan. She’d tell me that I never loved her and that when I was child, I would sit and glare at her with hate in my eyes (but I know I didn’t and it’s even a funny story from when I was little that I asked my mom if my aunt could birth me and be my mommy because I loved her so much). My mom constantly sided with her to keep the peace in the house. I’ll admit I was a handful from ages 4-7 but other ages, I do not think of myself as horrible at any other time. She constantly insulted me and cursed at me. The physical abuse stopped because I got taller than her. Unless I agreed with her (on crazy subjects like the theory that our neighbors took shifts watching us), I was stupid and too young to understand. She’d preach the Bible and then turn around and do what she said was a sin. Now that I’m away from it, I have constant problems with relationships and I feel like I can’t trust anyone. I definately can’t say I love you to anyone. And I constantly wait for people to scream at me if I make a mistake (even something small like handing the wrong money out during monopoly). I would rather have a relationship with a man who wants sex more than emotion because I’m afraid that no one would like me without having something (like sex) to offer. I have this problem with my friends too. I have sex with people like co-workers and cheat on boyfriends I do like because I feel like I’m weak if I have to rely on a person (like a friend or BF) for love/emotion. I don’t trust any of the people I date enough to let myself actually fall in love with them because everyone in my life has mostly left me. I only have my mom and dad as close family members and my dad’s a drug addict and doesn’t know anything about me. The rest of my family doesn’t speak with me. I just have problems all the way around. Could it be because of my aunt? Is there any way to get over these problems/fears? Thanks.

If you’d take on a little family counseling, alone, I think you’d find someone in your corner, someone who’d love to hear and advise you.
That’s what I did.
Please consider enlisting that kind of help.
Best wishes.